People Who Will Be In Hell

*People who cut their fingers and then suck the blood off.
*Adults who collect Teddy Bears.
*People who borrow things and then don't return them.
*Smart-alecks who forgo a fork and use chopsticks in Chinese restaurants.
*People who eat ketchup on eggs.

*Oh, and the usual cast of characters:
*PE Teachers
*Serial Killers
*Vampires
*Nazis
*Cheerleaders

Yee Haw! Ride 'Em Cowmonkey!

I saw 3:10 to Yuma this weekend. It was amazing! I love Westerns and if I had 3 wishes, the second one would be that Hollywood would make more westerns. MORE westerns, I say!
Here are some things I have learned from watching westerns:
*No one sets a cowboy hat better than Mr. Kevin Costner.
*The only way you could get me on a stagecoach would be to tie my cold dead body to the top. Ironically, that’s the way most movie stagecoach rides end.
*The Pinkertons couldn’t catch a cold, despite the fact that they were paid 18 dollars a day (it should have been Confederate dollars).
*No matter if your name is Dirty Ken, Buffalo Bob, Buckshot Willie or Alabama Steve, you are going to die before the age of 30. The tougher you were the less you lived.
*The Jew’s harp was the western bagpipe.
*There were only 2 jobs for women: school marm and saloon gal. They paid about the same and saloon gals had more respect.
*Organic food doesn’t make you live longer. The average life expectancy in 1880 for men was age 45 and women age 49. They didn’t have pesticides on their potatoes. We live to be 80 and there is no reasonable explanation of what goes in a fast food French fry.
*They wore long sleeve shirts all year long. They rarely bathed and had no deodorant. Sometimes, on a cool summer evening, I think I can still smell them.

50th Post!!!!

Yee-haw! I made it to my 50th post AND it only took me three months. I would just like to say to all of the people who thought I couldn't do it, I did it! I can't believe I actually had 49 things to talk about.

Now, I would just like to ask a question, is it me or do all of Duran Duran's songs sound the same? I don't remember thinking that when I was jamming to Hungry Like the Wolf with my huge pilotesque TWA headphones plugged into the stereo (that had an 8-track player). I heard Duran Duran is reuniting and they played snippets of some of their hits. Think about it: Rio, Hungry Like the Wolf, Union of the Snake, New Moon on Monday and The Reflex. IT'S THE SAME BLOODY SONG! Well, you win this round, Simon LeBon! So what that I still download your music for my iPod. That doesn't mean I buy into your 80's pop whodoo.

Things I Kind of Love

*Frosting: Nature's perfect topping.

*Germ-X: It's the reason I'm still alive today. I should have died of boogermonia years ago.

*Seeing a movie for the first time: It's especially great if someone hasn't ruined the ending. Someone told me how the Sixth Sense ended before I saw it. After I saw it, I realized seeing it was totally pointless after you knew how it ended. Spoiler Alert: The Willis is a ghost!

*Monkeys: I would love to have a monkey son. I need someone/thing to hang my hopes and dreams on. Someone/thing to carry on my legacy. Besides, who else is going to get my rubber stamp collection when I pass on.

*Sleeping late: I've been thinking about getting a job where I can stay up late and sleep late. I figure the only two options are working in a school for nocturnal children or becoming a vampire.

*The smell of bbq: If you could only bottle that smell...Darn you KC Masterpiece! Darn you all to heck for beating me to the punch!

*Sharpies: I write with Sharpies like most people write with ink pens. I love writing out loud. I'm all about writing out loud. NOW HEAR THIS WORLD, I NEED TO CALL MY ACCOUNTANT BEFORE 3:00!!

*Drinking Straws: Aren't they awesome? Instead of having to pick up my glass, I can just bend my head over. It cuts my drinking time in half.

*Candy: As a kid, candy was as free flowing as lip gloss in a middle school. We had it all the time. Holidays were awash with it. I had so much that I had to eat it fast before it turned sticky, white or my brother found it. As an adult, I can appreciate candy. I actually taste it, now. Did you know there are peanuts in a Payday?

Things I Kind of Hate

*Watermelon, watermelon flavored anything, anything that smells like watermelon. I’m even iffy on watermelon farmers.

*Stale bread: I’d never make it in debtor’s prison.

*PE teachers: They all have the evil gene just as Hitler did before them. Imagine Hitler’s PE teacher.

*The word chipotle: How the heck do you pronounce, what the heck is it AND who the heck discovered it?? Was it Jerry Chipoltle?

*Hot soda: I do, however, like cold coffee. I don’t get me, either.

* Icy roads: Who does like them? No one I know, except Ice Road Truckers on the History channel.

*Mondays: I’m totally turning into Garfield.

*Shopping alone: What if I can’t decide which color of Post-it notes to buy? I need some confirmation here!

* Blue juice: I can’t bear the thought of drinking it. It looks like windshield wiper fluid.

*When people say, "You look nice today." Maybe I'm overthinking it, but what does that say about how I looked yesterday or last Thursday?

Cover Monkey

Here are the choices. Which Sock Monkey best portrays the "Hang in There" image:

Hangin' In There

Sad news to report, sports fans. The 'Hang in There Kitty' couldn't hang in there any longer. She will be buried in a shoebox 'neath the old willow tree. Graveside services will be conducted at a later date. Sock Monkey has stepped up to volunteer as the new face of perserverance. After a preliminary photo shoot this weekend, Sock Monkey was asked for a quote about his new role as the tenacity ambassador. He said, "Hang in there!" Truer words have never been spoken, SM.
The rumor mill had Sock Monkey updating his slogan to two possibles: "Keep it real" or "Don't wig out". However, he has decided, in memory of the Kitty, to conserve her famous quote. Look for updated posters to appear in office cubicles and school counseling offices across America. Hang in there, indeed!