An Educational Discussion About Why Pirates Are And Have Always been Cool.

Everywhere you look there is tons of pirate stuff for sale. I went to a party store and it was like a jamboree of pirate merchandise. I bought a bunch of cool stuff to decorate my classroom. It occurs to me though, that B.P.C (before Pirates of the Carribean) you felt like you were discovering a real treasure if you found something that had a treasure chest on it and anything with a skull and crossbones was either ammonia or cult gear. After, P.C., pirate stuff has become cool.

That gripes me because pirates have always been cool! I'm not some Jenny come lately to this. I have loved pirates for years and years. Okay, scoffers, why are pirates cool? Here is a breakdown:

*They often had descriptive adjectives in their names."Red Devil" Turbeville (he sounds like a charmer), Blackbeard (devil with the ladies), Calico Jack (pioneer pirate??) How many people do you know that have adjectives attached to their names. They should, but they don't. Dirty Stinkin' Bob, Ugly Slack-Jawed Steve, Fat Trashy Betty. There would just be too many tears involved in a world like that.

*Blackbeard took 5 gunshots and 20 stab wounds before he died. He was still reloading and fighting after having been shot and stabbed numerous times. Most sissy britches today get dizzy when they get a paper cut. The only man who could survive 25 wounds is Diehard and he's not real. Let's keep that quiet because I think a lot of people don't realize that.

*How many people could rob someone with only one eye? If you figure in depth perception and all, that is a pretty impressive feat. One-eyed pirates may have had to have taken several swipes at a lady's necklace, but when his other hand was holding a cutlass, I think she would have been patient.

*Who else could think up such innovative punishments? Keel hauling: Disgusting, but very creative. Marooning: efficient, low-cost and pretty effective. Marooned pirates had a lot of time to think about their rogueish actions. It was like an intense time-out.

Cap'n Sock Monkey says, "If ye don't like pirates, ye can dance the hempen jig!"
*Despite what you may think, that has nothing to do with hippies.