In Movies

*In movies, after you announce your retirement publicly, you don't live to see the next sunrise. In real life, after you retire you find yourself sitting at home playing checkers with your cat and not making enough money from your retirement checks to buy used bacon.

*In movies, two people can stand 3 feet away from someone and talk in their normal voices. The third person never hears a word said. In real life, if you even whisper something, the gossip mill doesn't sleep until every cable news station has wrung the information dry of every sweet drop of gossip juice.

*In movies, people can blow up a city block and never do a day in jail. In real life,you can think about throwing a Tootsie Roll wrapper out your car window and your'e doing a nickle in the State Penn.

*In movies, opposites always attract to make for a fun-filled, roller-coaster relationship. In real life, you sit across the table from someone who is your polar opposite and spend a very uncomfortable half hour trying to make conversation about things you know nothing about before going home early and eating an entire bowl of Cool Whip in your nightgown.

*In movies, all doctors are good looking. In real life....they aren't.

*In movies, if you color your hair, no one recognizes you. In real life, if you color your hair no one even notices.

*In movies, people break into song and dance on city streets. In real life, if you break into song and dance you are immediatley surrounded with your hands up and a team of psychiatrists are on standby to take you down with a tranc gun.

*In movies, science is used by superheroes to win battles against evil geniuses who are trying to rule the world. In real life, science is boring and studied by nerds who can afford to drive really nice cars.

*In movies, if you get called for jury duty, it's going to be for a high profile murder trial. In real life, if you get called for jury duty, you get excused for asking for the death penalty in a shoplifting case.

*In movies, the high school jock goes on to run the small Southern town where he is from with an iron fist. In real life, the high school jock goes on to be the bald used car salesman that no one trusts.