I think that America has put the wrong treasure in Fort Knox. Gold? Come on. There is a bigger treasure that America has just rolled over like a Sonic chili dog wrapper. What am I talking about? Well, if you have to ask that, I’m afraid I need to see your citizenship records. I could only be talking about one person: The great Fess Parker.
Fess parker was the quintessential injun fighter slash coon skin becapped pioneer. I love those old Davy Crockett movies where hijinx and hilarity ensue along the Mississippi River as he traps furs and punches bad guys in the eye. He was also pretty cool as Daniel Boone in the old series. Yes, Davy Crockett was pretty much the same guy as Daniel Boone. My theory is that Daniel stumbled onto some kind of powerful strong immortality elixir along the Wilderness Trail and to throw everyone off, he changed his name to Davy Crockett. I think he later took on other names. One of which is Charles Bronson. When it starts to get unbelievable, he switches personas. That means he still walks among us. That’s a conspiracy theory for another day. Enough about Daniel/Davy/Charles. Back to Fess….
I think they need to send Tomahawk helicopters immediately to wherever Fess parker is. There needs to be guards on him 24 hours a day. Electrical chicken wire by the mile should surround his home and all his possessions. This man needs to be protected. He’s older now, and we can’t risk any guys in tri-cornered hats trying to jump his claim. Rally call to America, “Don’t mess with Fess”.
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