Staff Infection

I know all workplaces have them. It's like there is a checklist in the main office:

Know-it-all: position filled
Smart Aleck: position filled
Control Freak: position filled
Copy Cat: position filled
Office Bimbo: position filled
Pervert: position filled
Suck-Up: position filed
Normal person: position open

Know-it-alls: Turns out, thy usually make up half the crap they spew. Throw in a few, "Well, the History Channel said" or "Webster's dictionary defines" and Cliff Clavin is re-born.

Smart Alecks: The big mouthed, 'everybody look at me. 'cause I'm the cutest' always ends up sitting at the table I am sitting at, thus acting as a magnet and drawing all the attention to our area of the room. Usually, this tends to be an overweight, acutely uncute person with zero sense of humor and even less friends.

Control Freaks: This person is always my cross to bear. I am laid back and I always get teamed with the 'well, that's not how I do it' bozo. If we did everything your way, we might as well change the name of the school to XXXX Elementary School. I'd rather name the library after you, The XXXX 'Memorial' Library.

Copy Cats: Thief!!! Somebody stoled my idea. I can't stand copycats. How do these people decide what to eat for breakfast? Come to think of it, the office copycat asked me for half my Pop Tart this morning. AS if! I wouldn't give half my Pop Tart to Christian Bale! I would give him my hand in marriage, though.

Office Bimbos: These are the ones with streaming video of their constantly changing boyfriends on their cell phones. The Fed-Ex guy ALWAYS knows their name and if you look quickly enough, you might see his picture on the cell phone.

Perverts: This is the creepy guy who keeps checking you out. He always has some intensely odd reason to stop you and usually has a grin on his face the whole time.
"There she is. Hey, do you eat Oat Bran? I clipped a coupon for you. It was in Voyeaur Today."
"Uh, thanks"
"You look like a gal who eats Oat Bran." Scanning up and down.
"Uh, I have to uh, go. My hamster died and I have to buy a pair of shoes, so I'll uh, have a box to bury him in."
"Sure, no problem. You look great for someone who lost a hamster. You are holding up well. Hey, don't forget your coupon."

Suck-Ups: This person is always three steps behind the boss, always knows the boss' kid's best friend's birthdays and can drop names like Wile E. Coyote drops anvils. You don't have to worry about this person too much. When the boss goes, this person usually goes, too. But, oddly enough, never to the same workplace.

Normal Person: I hope against hope that this is me.